The Need for Need

by  John Thompson

Hey everyone,

Here's a short piece I wrote on a common theme I see in Circles that's close to my heart.

The need for need

It's easy to be unaware of our needs and to be unconsciously trying to get them met. This doesn't usually go so well. In fact it's a big reason behind why we get passive aggressive, co-dependent and other not so savoury ways of treating each other. These needs have become repressed for good reason based on our personal histories. Unravelling the process can require deep courage to face the childlike feelings of actually really needing things and others while having no guarantee of those needs being met.

The opportunity here involves starting to notice and then lovingly holding these vulnerable feelings while also leading yourself maturely towards getting your needs met. Quality self listening and honouring what is present for you can also allow specific charged needs to relax into more grounded desires and preferences. Integrating your needs also involves letting certain ideas and ways of being perish - like seeing yourself as an atomised self-sufficient individual, that your needs are secondary or that someone really 'should' meet your needs.

The gift of touching into and following your deeper needs is a life lived from the inside out that brings fulfilment and nourishment. This can also open all kinds of doors to richer intimacy, life direction and sensitivity to others.

At best it leads us into an interdependence where our genuine need and reliance on others can be felt alongside our increasing individual sovereignty. In the words of Barbara Streisand and Stevie Wonder, "People who need people are the luckiest people in the world"!

I remember a Circle I was in mirroring back to me the depth of my need and what a bread crumb trail that was for me to follow. I'm so grateful for that even though it was so disruptive to me!